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 Bush
suffers from
Iraq-tile Dysfunction
(Jan. 2, 2006) President Bush may suffer
from a rare medical condition called Iraq-tile Dysfunction.
This according to an anonymous whistle-blower close to the
president's unit.
Symptoms are said to include limp oratory, feeble
rhetoric and droopy poll numbers.
"Some days you're trying like heck to nail
an insurgency but you feel like you're just shooting blanks,"
said former Republican presidential nominee Bob Dole. MORE
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Bush
clone dubbed W2
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Cheney
accidentally
detonates nuclear weapon
 (Feb.
14, 2006) Vice President Dick Cheney, already under fire
for failing to report that he shot a man in the face over
the weekend, is tight-lipped about a new report that he accidentally
set off a nuclear warhead in the Marshall Islands last week.
Sources say Cheney, a longtime weapons of mass destruction
enthusiast, was simply cleaning the launch mechanism when
the bomb suddenly went off. MORE
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Bush
fails second doping test
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Prez
eyes part-time job
 (Jan.
26, 2005) President Bush announced today he needs another
$80 billion to keep fighting his war in Iraq. But when critics
hammered him over where he expects America to come up with
that kind of cash, the president said he is thinking of getting
a part-time job. "Bein' president is hard work,"
said Bush. But he added that he's willing to pump gas or get
a paper route if it helps bring democracy to the whole wide
world. MORE
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George
W. woos Saudi prince
 (April
27, 2005) Holding hands with his special friend Prince
Abdullah, President Bush said today he tried everything to
get the bashful Saudi monarch to drop the price of oil --
from flowers and chocolates to butterfly kisses and promises
of geopolitical favors. But don't expect Bush's wooing to
pay off at the pump. Despite charming him with pickup truck
rides and brush-clearing lessons, sources say the president
couldn't even get to second base with the sexy Saudi. MORE
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The
oratorical stylings
of Pres. George W. Bush
(March 28, 2006) President Bush was feeling
chatty last week, rolling from Ohio to Washington to West
Virginia to riff about the elusive and bloody quest for Iraqi
democracy. MORE
This one appeared in the Boston Herald.
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Bush
as commander-in-cheek
 (April
5, 2006) "Heh heh." The president of the United
States cracks himself up. ... Watch how the master turns a
serious question about immigration reform into an opening
for a self-deprecating jab about what a moron he is. MORE
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Critics
praise President Bush's
'breathing space' for Iraq speech
(Jan. 15, 2007) President George W. Bush's
historic Jan. 10 call to send more young Americans to their
deaths in order to give the Iraqi government some "breathing
space" was yet another spellbinding piece of oratory.
MORE
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Critics
praise President Bush's
"I think about Iraq every day" speech
When future generations assess the legacy of
President George W. Bush, they will surely reflect on his
now-famous "I think about Iraq every day" speech
of June 20, 2005. MORE
President
tells nation, 'I'm sure something will pop into my head'
(April 14, 2004)
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Bush
stand-up routine
(Jan. 25, 2006) President Bush warmed
up the crowd for his talk about terror and 9/11 and spying
on Monday with a taste of his classic "Everybody Loves
W." standup routine. The president was on a roll. In
fact, the parenthetical reaction (Laughter) appears a rollicking
61 times in the official White House transcript. MORE
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 New
Year's resolutions:
George W. Bush
-- Figure out who's askin' for it worse: Iran
or North Korea
-- Keep eye out for bin Laden
-- Clear more brush
-- Keep world safe for
Jesus-based democracy
MORE
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President
'punked' press,
public with Iraq gag
(April 1, 2005) President Bush today
responded to a new report investigating the bogus pre-war
intelligence scam that led to war in Iraq by admitting that
the whole thing was nothing more than a big prank.
"Gotcha. Heh-heh," Bush said to a
slack-jawed pack of media jackals. "You been punk'd.
Heh-heh." MORE
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Bush
sworn in on a stack of Bibles
(Jan. 20, 2005) Basking in the glory
of his terrific/horrific war to liberate/obliterate Iraq,
President George W. Bush used his inaugural address today
to take aim at a new goal: "the greatest achievements
in the history of freedom." MORE
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 Bush
relative holds
slim lead in Iraq polls
Polls show the early leader in the race for
president of Iraq is a little-known second cousin of President
George W. Bush. Ahmad W. Bush, described as a fervent born-again
Shiite who favors tax cuts for oil industry warlords, holds
a slim lead over Jihad Party nominee Mohammed al-Mohamma-Lama-Dingdong.
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Confessions
of a Fake Journalist: 2005 in review
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Fistful
of Jelly Beans
George W. Bush vs. Ronald Reagan
-- June 16, 2004
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