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| July 4th, 1776 »
Dodds
takes detour on road to D.C
By John Breneman
Skeptical
of congressional candidate Gary
Dodds' claim that he may have swerved to avoid a deer
when he bumped into a guardrail on the Spaulding Turnpike
then vanished for 26 hours, police are pursuing a new lead
involving a possible second deer, perched on a nearby grassy
knoll.
 Dodds
reportedly described the deer as 6 feet tall, 350 pounds,
clad in a handsome brown pelt with a white patch on its throat
and "dark, shifty eyes" -- possibly wearing a ski
mask.
A wildlife expert said if Dodds had encountered a deer with
his vehicle on the night of April 5, 2006, the animal would
have been scared shitless. Yet the local CSI team found nothing
when it dusted for scat.
However, they did discover pungent evidence suggesting the
recent presence a large weasel. Unconfirmed reports suggest
a magical unicorn also may have been involved.
Police have obtained a search warrant for Dodds' clothes
to help figure out if he's been sending them on a wild deer
chase with his amnesia-riddled tale of whacking his head and
wandering the woods and rivers of Dover.
Shortly after the incident, Dodds seemed unsure about whether
his 1997
Lincoln Continental had burst into flames (it had
not) and whether or not he had been kidnapped by a previously
unknown tribe of Granite State forest gnomes.
The befuddled Washington wannabe quickly demonstrated one
of his key qualifications for Congress, blaming his woes on
the media and accusing the local press of a "politically
motivated witch hunt."
Sources say Dodds plans to lay low for a while, maybe cruise
the Lincoln down to Rhode Island to get some campaign advice
from fellow crazy-drivin' Democrat Patrick Kennedy.
Public opinion is split, with a new fake poll showing that
42% of the voters believe Dodds was probably just practicing
lying in case he somehow won his bizarre bid to represent
some extremely puzzled constituents in the U.S. Congress.
Posted on June 26, 2006 11:19 AM
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