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Britney's wardrobe dysfunction
 By
John Breneman
Britney Spears is celebrating her much-anticipated
divorce/comeback by treating herself to a rejuvenating Celebrity
Slut Makeover at the fabulous Paris Hilton.
The luxury Hilton package includes low-rider
limos perfect for the naughty new mom eager to score a tabloid
splash by flashing her white-trash gash to the ever-present
crotcherazzi.
The vagina-centric vacation comes with a penthouse
suite at Hilton's notorious Tramp Tower and unlimited womb
service. Hilton also offers complimentary pole-dancing
lessons and pointers on how to eat a hamburger while
humping a soapy car.
Spears also gets a free extra-small T-shirt
for her 12-week-old baby. "Mommy flashed her (BLEEP!)
with Paris Hilton and all I got was this lousy Gucci wifebeater."
A source close to Spears' clitoris said the
pop tart loves Hilton's A-list parties and B-movie camp
and that her September C-section isn't slowing her down one
bit. ABC
News reported: "In less than a week, cameras
have captured Britney Spears' nether regions on four separate
occasions."
One paparazzo claimed that when he blew up
a shot of Spears' "junk" he was surprised to discover
some lint and loose coins, a crumpled-up Cheetos bag and one
of Hilton's fishnet stockings.
Etiquette expert Emily Post, after being revived,
declined to comment but issued a statement reading, "Egad!
Well, I never."
Stay tuned for breaking news on Britney's
ongoing attempts to portray a kinder, genitaler image. And,
now that pubic exposure is the sexy, hot new publicity strategy,
other celebs said to be considering flashing their anatomy
for the cameras include Star Jones, Martha Stewart and Hillary
Clinton.
Related story:
Scent
of a pop tart: Britney's new perfume -- Dec.
15, 2004
Rapper
50 Cent introduces 50 Scent -- Sept. 23, 2005
Posted on December 5, 2006 11:31 PM
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