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Truthiness in the No Spin Zone
 By
John Breneman
Did you see the bizarro world meeting between the nation's
most bombastic ego and the truthy satirist who plays him on
cable TV?
Yes, it was Bill O'Reilly meets Stephen Colbert -- the first-ever
No Spin Zone Twilight Zone Colbert Nation Lovefest Smackdown.
(Palooza?) These two titans of broadcasting traded appearances
on each other's programs last night, "The O'Reilly Factor"
(top-rated cable news show, 8 p.m. on Fox) and "The Colbert
Report" (11:30 p.m. on Comedy Central).
Hosting first was O'Reilly, the blustery master of sound
and fury signifying whatever he tells his viewers/devotees
it signifies. Later, O'Reilly's visit was trumpeted as a historic
summit by Colbert, widely acclaimed for wielding irony like
a blunt instrument in his O'Reilly-based persona.
"You're about to watch me enter a No Spin Zone,"
Colbert said at the top of his show, having confessed earlier
to the man he calls Papa Bear that O'Reilly's version of "no
spin" gives him "vertigo."
Colbert had also admitted that "emulating" O'Reilly
was taking a toll. "I haven't seen my kids in 18 months
and I'm losing calcium in my bones," the actor told O'Reilly
on "The Factor."
"What keeps you going?" he asked. "Jesus Christ
or Pat Robertson's protein shakes?" Just a little jab
at O'Reilly's prominent stature among the religious righteous.
Back in Colbert Nation, Fauxreilly set the stage by unveiling
a mischievous "Mission Accomplished" banner to commemorate
his own ability get O'Reilly on the show (and to tweak conservatism's
blind loyalty to the bumbling war president).
Colbert then excitedly opened the last door on "my Bill
O'Reilly advent calendar," complete with the beatific
Baby O'Reilly in the manger.
Colbert's genius extends to gesture, as when he disarmed
O'Reilly's "Culture War" cult of personality by
slapping a 30% off sticker over the self-important author's
book cover mug (evoking David Letterman's famous "About
60% of what you say is crap" in-your-facer to the TV
bully).
When Colbert popped his most loaded question -- "Which
is destroying America more: activist judges, gay marriage,
illegal immigration or NBC?" -- Blowreilly gobbled the
bait and blurted "NBC." (He also weaved in this
fair and balanced analysis of The New York Times: "They're
scum.")
O'Reilly took a shot at calling Colbert out when he characterized
the two camps in his beloved, breadwinning culture war as
"secular progressives like yourself and traditionalists
like me." And he couldn't resist trotting out his "stoned
slacker" soundbite in reference to the audience demographic
watching "The Daily Show" and presumably "Colbert."
On his home turf, O'Reilly attempted to "nail"
his mocker by accusing him of having changed the pronunciation
of his last name from Colbert with a hard T to the French-sounding
Colbert.
At one point O'Reilly awkwardly bellowed, "Are you COL-bert
or Col-BEAR?!?" Colbert, who must have been cracking
up inside, simply praised his host for the gale-force volume
of his question.
During O'Reilly's interview we learned that Colbert's middle
name is Tyrone. (Or did we?) Regular viewers already know
he regards bears as "giant marauding godless killing
machines."
Afterward, he brought in talking heads to ask them why people
love Colbert yet loathe O'Reilly, who is regularly named the
day's "Worst Person on the World" on MSNBC's "Countdown
with Keith Olbermann" and who is immortalized in such
lefty books as "Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly"
and "Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and
Balanced Look at the Right" by Al Franken (O'Reilly sued
in a failed attempt to block distribution of the latter book,
which describes him as "a lying, splotchy bully").
One of the heads (Bernard Goldberg, Fox News Analyst) concluded,
"We live in a cynical age," therefore "smart-ass
wiseguys" are seen as "cutting edge." (Finally.)
The anti-O'Reilly concluded his big day by revealing that
he had stolen a large microwave oven from the Fox studio.
DISCLOSURE:
Roger Ailes, president of Fox News, includes my Web site (www.HumorGazette.com)
on his "Enemies List" (rogerailes.blogspot.com),
making me a card-carrying member of the liberal smart-ass
wiseguy media.
Posted on January 19, 2007 9:04 AM
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