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Osama
unveils new look in 9/11 video
By John Breneman
U.S. forces just missed nailing Osama bin Laden at a stylish
Pakistan beauty parlor last week. This from a source close
to the hairdresser who trimmed and dyed bin Laden's beard
for today's highly anticipated 9/11
anniversary video.
 In
another close call, Air Force B-2s bombed a heavily fortified
luxury spa remote Uzbekistan moments after bin Laden stopped
in for a manicure, pedicure and avocado mango butter facial.
Sources say the narcissistic terror kingpin likes to look
sharp for the anniversary of his Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on
America.
One year he bought himself a full-length mink coat. In 2005,
he sported a jaunty straw hat. And longtime bin Laden watchers
say his sense of fashion steadily improved since the embarrassing
cornrow fiasco of 1998.
"I would personally kill a man to get my hands on his
collection of cashmere shawls," said Amira Raj, editor
of Allah Girl and a leading authority on extremist Islamic
fashion trends.
 Last
month, she predicted bin Laden would have "work"
done on his signature beard, saying, "The ZZ Top look
is sooo 2001."
Raj noted that the Islamotainment industry is eager for a
sneak peak at bin Laden's incendiary new looks for Spring
2008.
In a related development: A spokesman confirmed that bin
Laden is no longer just a Grecian Formula Muslim Beard Club
member, he is now the president.
Bin Laden linked to Satan's pig-monkey
 After
the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, Humor Gazette editor John
Breneman embedded himself in the war on terror (at
an undisclosed location), vowing to remain vigilant in his
First Amendment duty to shock and awe the evildoers and politicians
alike with a relentless satire offensive.
"Our failure to publish stories like 'Bush
suffers from Iraq-tile Dysfunction' would be a victory
for the terrorist asswipes," he said.
The Gazette scooped its rivals at the New York Times,
the Onion and Al-Jazeera with stories like 'Al
Qaeda's #2 man is cowardly piece of dung.' Below are
some of the exclusives that helped earn the Gazette a Pull-it
Surprise nomination:
Good
riddance: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi dead
-- June 9, 2006 |
Bin
Laden plans debut on satellite radio
-- Jan. 20, 2006 |
Al
Qaeda reports declining revenues in fiscal '05
-- Dec. 19, 2005 |
 |
Al-Zarqawi's
approval rating falls
-- Nov. 25, 2005
|
Terrorists
revealed
to be morons
-- July 22, 2005 |
London
attack heightens worldwide hatred of spineless terrorist
jerks
-- July 8, 2005 |
|
Suicide
bombers get cold feet, call in sick
-- June 6, 2005 |
Mother's
Day card yields clues on bin Laden
-- May 9, 2005 |
Bin
Laden eludes Wile E. Coyote
-- March 28, 2004 |
|
Comic
bomb: Bush slays 'em with WMD gag
-- March 26, 2004 |
Voice
on latest bin Laden tape revealed to be Pee-Wee Herman
-- Nov. 19, 2002 |
Rebuilding
Afghanistan
in our image
-- Dec. 10, 2001 |
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Posted by John Breneman on September 11, 2007 2:25 PM
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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on September 11, 2007 2:25 PM.
The previous post in this blog was Millionaire pooch bites Vick.
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