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December 30, 2007
Mitt has a dream
 Mitt
has
a dream
By John Breneman
Mitt Romney has a dream.
He dreamed he saw his father march arm-in-arm with the Rev.
Martin Luther King.
And he dreams of an America where millions of illegal brown
men will march back to Mexico, even the ones who maintained
his yard and tennis court.
Mitt Romney has a dream that he will be judged not by promises
he made a few years ago about abortion and gay rights, but
by what political ambition causes him to claim he believes
today.
He dreams that Americans will find him so dreamy they won't
even notice that he'll say virtually anything -- anything
at all -- to realize his dream of becoming president.
And he has a dream that he will be judged not for failing
to protest his beloved Mormon religion's racist ban on black
priests, but for his phony claim to have a personal connection
to America's greatest civil rights leader.
Religious Romney has a dream that Christian voters will judge
him not by the fact that his great grandfather Miles Park
Romney had five fives, but by his suggestion that churchgoers
are more worthy Americans because "freedom requires religion."
Terror-fighting Romney has a dream that he will be judged
not by his statement that he'd let the lawyers decide whether
to attack Iran, but by the false strength he sought to project
by boasting that he's itching to "double Guantanamo."
Pro-Iraq Romney has a dream that one day his five strapping
sons will be judged not by the color of the military uniforms
they choose not to wear, but by the content of their character
as loyal Romney '08 foot soldiers.
To realize his dream, Romney's oratorical strategy is to
let fabrications ring.
Let fiction ring ... from the fertile plains of Iowa (where
he spent much of his term as absentee governor of Massachusetts)
to the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire (where the Concord
Monitor published an editorial warning voters that Mitt Romney
is a handsome, charismatic "phony").
Despite having been hunting just two times, when Romney saw
a man with an NRA cap on April 3 in Keene, N.H., he couldn't
help telling him, "I've been a hunter pretty much all
my life."
Let fiction ring.
When asked an embarrassing question by Rudy Giuliani at the
Nov. 28 CNN/YouTube debate -- "You did have illegal immigrants
working at your mansion, didn't you?" -- Romney started
his spin with the blatant untruth, "No, I did not."
Let fiction ring.
Yes, Mitt Romney has a dream. The ultimate politician's dream
-- of saying all the right things to all the right voters,
of getting elected by any means necessary.
The above column appeared in the Dec. 30 Boston
Sunday Herald.
Posted by John Breneman at 2:46 PM | Permalink
December 5, 2007
Welcome to Humor Gazette Theater!
 Welcome
to Humor Gazette Theater!
Today's feature presentation is "Mohammed
the Teddy Bear," a visionary 33-second production
from an unknown teddy bear at an undisclosed location.
We're just getting started in the movie business and you
can find our flicks at these locations on FunnyOrDie.com
(run by Will Ferrell and friends), Metacafe.com
and, of course, YouTube.
Recent features include:
"Santa
Wounded in the War on Christmas"
 "Billy
Buck Teefus' Redneck Christmas Album"
"Baby's
Revenge"
"Thanksgiving
Blessing from Rev. Sinnerman"
"Thanksgiving
Blessing from Billy Buck Teefus"
"Thanksgiving
Blessing from Ozzy Osbourne"
"How
to tell if yer president is a redneck"
"Billy
Buck Teefus: When O.J. Attacks"
"Redneck
Home Shopping Channel"
Posted by John Breneman at 10:46 PM | Permalink
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