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September 14, 2009
Potsie loses millions in Fonzie scheme
Potsie
loses millions in Fonzie scheme
 By
John Breneman
Henry Winkler, best known for playing hoodlum Arthur Fonzarelli
on the 1970s sitcom "Happy Days," has allegedly
swindled millions from his former cast mates in what police
are calling a full-blown Hollywood "Fonzie scheme."
Sources say Winkler/Fonzarelli used his roguish charm to
con his victims, often deflecting questions about their investments
by giving them the thumbs up and assuring them that everything
was "cool."
Anson Williams, who portrayed the dim-witted Potsie, reportedly
handed over his entire $1.6 million savings when Fonzarelli
simply looked at him and said, "Aaaaaay."
 Oscar-winning
filmmaker Ron Howard also lost his shirt in the Fonzie scheme,
and actor Scott Baio lost his pants. Also duped were a husband
and wife identified in the federal indictment as "Mr.
and Mrs. C."
Donny Most, who played wise-cracking Ralph Malph back in
happier days, was also among those bilked by Winkler/Fonzarelli.
Said Most, "I assumed he could make stock-market fortunes
by just snapping his fingers."
Winkler/Fonzarelli, who was apprehended at Arnold's Drive-in
in Milwaukee wearing an Armani leather jacket and driving a $150,000 Claudio Castiglioni MV Agusta F4 motorcycle, denied any
knowledge of the Fonzie scheme.
Posted by John Breneman at 9:12 AM | Permalink
September 11, 2009
Extremist Makeover for Osama
Osama
unveils new look in 9/11 video
By John Breneman
U.S. forces just missed nailing Osama bin Laden at a stylish
Pakistan beauty parlor last week. This from a source close
to the hairdresser who trimmed and dyed bin Laden's beard
for today's highly anticipated 9/11
anniversary video.
 In
another close call, Air Force B-2s bombed a heavily fortified
luxury spa remote Uzbekistan moments after bin Laden stopped
in for a manicure, pedicure and avocado mango butter facial.
Sources say the narcissistic terror kingpin likes to look
sharp for the anniversary of his Sept. 11, 2001, attacks on
America.
One year he bought himself a full-length mink coat. In 2007,
he sported a jaunty straw hat. And longtime bin Laden watchers
say his sense of fashion steadily improved since the embarrassing
cornrow fiasco of 1998.
"I would personally kill a man to get my hands on his
collection of cashmere shawls," said Amira Raj, editor
of Allah Girl and a leading authority on extremist Islamic
fashion trends.
 Last
month, she predicted bin Laden would have "work"
done on his signature beard, saying, "The ZZ Top look
is sooo 2005."
Raj noted that the Islamotainment industry is eager for a
sneak peak at bin Laden's incendiary new looks for Spring
2010.
In a related development: A spokesman confirmed that bin
Laden is no longer just a Grecian Formula Muslim Beard Club
member, he is now the president.
Posted by John Breneman at 2:25 PM | Permalink
September 10, 2009
Obama heckled by Animal House of Representatives
Obama
heckled by Animal House of Representatives
 By
John Breneman
Days after deriding President Obama's pep talk to America's schoolchildren as some sort of socialist plot, Republican congressmen heckled the president during a major speech on health care, lobbing spitballs and calling the president a stinking, Nazi, big-government liar.
South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson and others responded to Obama's appeal to join together for the good of the country by channeling a scene from "Animal House" -- blurting out "death panel!" while pretending to cough into their hands.
Later it was discovered that GOP lawmakers had littered the floor of Congress with crumpled-up paper airplanes and used magic markers to scrawl "Obama loves Pelosi" and "Barack sucks" on the backs of chairs.
Though some Democrats slammed Wilson for his disrespectful outburst, key Republicans praised him for sucking up half the air time that might have been used to cover the actual speech.
Analysts say GOP reaction to the president's speech proves his Republican foes are determined to turn one of the most important issues of our time into a political food fight.
Posted by John Breneman at 10:07 AM | Permalink
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