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October 29, 2010
Sources: Rocker Rob Zombie not an actual zombie
Sources:
Rocker Rob Zombie not an actual zombie
 By
John Breneman
Rock musician Rob Zombie, one of the nation's best-known
bogeymen and a role model for a generation of young mutants,
is not an actual zombie, the Humor Gazette has learned.
In fact, documents reveal that Zombie is not even Mr. Zombie's
real name. Born Robert Bartleh Cummings in Massachusetts,
he is a 1983 graduate of Haverhill High School, where he was
voted "Most Likely to Devour the Flesh of a Rotting Human
Corpse."
Mr. Zombie, whose body of work includes such sensitive numbers
as "Superbeast," "The Devil's Rejects"
and "Scum of the Earth," is considered a pioneer
in the genre of satanic, sub-grunge anti-pop.
 However,
even though he has mastered zombie habits like gnawing on
people's necks and staggering around trancelike with his arms
extended, his image has been bloodied by the allegation that
he is not a real zombie, but a Massachusetts-born, monster-man
wannabe.
Local 666, International Brotherhood of the Undead released
a statement saying it became suspicious of Mr. Zombie when
it learned he is only 41. Most zombies are anywhere from several
hundred to a couple thousand years old. It also noted that
Mr. Zombie is "a masterful self-promoter," whereas
most zombies avoid publicity like the morning sun.
Related reading:
"Everything
You Ever Wanted to Know About Zombies But Were Too Horrified
to Ask"
Movies:
"Revenge
of the Living Dead 5: Dibs on the Brain Meat"
Posted by John Breneman at 8:21 AM | Permalink
October 25, 2010
Baby's First Pitbull
Can't figure out what to get for
the birthday baby who has everything? Just imagine the joy on Baby's tiny
face when he lays his baby blues on ... Baby's First Pitbull.
What better fuzzy companion could
there be -- for the modern toddler on the go -- than a vicious
domesticated killing machine with a skull-crushing jaw and
razor-sharp fangs?
With his hair-trigger temper, Baby's
First Pitbull enhances Baby's street reputation as an infant
not to messed with. Plus, Baby's cuddly, bloodthirsty new
pal will help keep him or her safe from external threats.*
* Chance of death by mauling
just 14 percent.
 ALSO:
Ex-Chihuahua
sues Paris Hilton
Florida
crackbaby is America's 300 millionth person
Swine
flu over the cuckoo's nest
Tweety
Bird sues Twitter for $500M
Posted by John Breneman at 12:13 AM | Permalink
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