The People vs. Ronald McDonald
By John Breneman
A New York man is suing four leading fast food chains, claiming
their fat-laden products made him obese ... and possibly ignorant
as well. Caesar Barber, 56, filed a drive-through lawsuit against
McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and Kentucky Fried Chicken last
Wednesday in Bronx Supreme Court.
a 5-foot-10, 272-pound maintenance worker, says fast food makers
are liable for his two heart attacks -- one suffered in 1996 while
inhaling a pail of KFC extra-crispy, the other in 1999 while pounding
Quarter-Pounders and super-size fries.
"I really feel used and violated by Ronald McDonald. I thought
I could trust that clown," said Barber, who also claims he
believed Col. Sanders was a high-ranking U.S. military official
who had issued a "direct order" to eat bucket after bucket
of glistening, deep-fried chicken parts.
Barber said he adhered to a grease-based diet for decades, always
believing it was good for him, until his doctor told him what most
people with half a brain cell already know -- fast food is not very
The poor fellow was despondent -- couldn't even whack back a Wendy's
triple bacon burger -- until his attorney advised him that the corporations
that fattened his waistline might also fatten his wallet.
Barber further contends he contracted high blood pressure from
daily Double Whoppers, high cholesterol from Sausage McMuffins,
and diabetes from 4-liter tubs of orange soda. "The fast foot
industry wrecked my life," he blubbered to the New York Post.
Other products that Barber has consumed because nobody warned him
about possible health risks include jars of Hellman's mayonnaise,
Old Spice aftershave, and peanut butter and K-Y Jelly sandwiches.
Barber, who was hit by a car on the way to a press conference announcing
his lawsuit, also plans to sue General Motors for failing to post
warnings that their products may cause injury if you walk in front
He is also suing the makers of Craftsman tools for a head injury
sustained when he knocked himself in the skull with a hammer that
was not emblazoned with the words "Warning: Do Not Hit Self
in Head With This Product."
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