Al-Qaeda
snatches Paris Hilton

By
John Breneman

Al-Qaeda terror crackpot Ayman
al-Zawahiri has avenged the death of his pal Abu
Musab al-Zarqawi by kidnapping American hotel heiress
Paris Hilton.

Zawahiri appeared on videotape clutching a distraught, scantily
clad Hilton, who was forced to read a statement renouncing
"immoral reality TV" and calling American popular
culture "ignorant, soulless and depraved. Like me."

U.S. intelligence confirmed that the abductee seen on the
videotape — and on a raunchy $19.95 companion bootleg —
is the flashy, trashy dumbass professional celebutramp.

Hilton also delivered her signature line — "That’s
hot" — as the terrorist held a glowing orange branding
iron close to her cheek.

Hilton was snatched from a penthouse suite at the Baghdad
Hilton where she was shooting a sex tape with the Greek National
Guard. This according to a source close to the Mexican laborer
who cleans up after one of her miniature Chihuahuas.

Nicole Richie could not be reached for comment.

Related story:
Al
Qaeda’s #2 man is cowardly piece of dung — Aug.
5, 2005