Noted superhero The Incredible Hulk reportedly has been named in a federal affidavit detailing alleged steroid use.

Attorneys for the comic book icon — best known for his bright green skin, bulging musculature and brooding, surly disposition — released a statement saying the Hulk has vowed to pulverize the face and skull of anyone accusing him of steroids.

The Hulk has repeatedly denied using illegal substances, attributing his overdeveloped physique to a “laboratory accident” involving exposure to “gamma rays.”

Mama Grizzly bared her fangs while sating her sweet tooth Sunday night.

Sarah Palin had already dished some juicy soundbites slamming the first lady for her anti-childhood obesity campaign — and Sunday night on “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” she came back for s’more.

Demonstrating her evil genius for using even the most innocent moment to deliver an insult, Palin was gathering marshmallows for camping snacks when she jabbed Michelle Obama with a sharpened stick.

“Where are the s’mores ingredients? This is in honor of Michelle Obama, who said the other day we should not have dessert,” Palin said (VIDEO). Some say she then muttered, “Yeah, that’ll show her.”

Whether off the cuff or scripted, the zinger reveals much about the self-styled mocky mom’s path-illogical need to jeer.

Picking a feud with the beloved first lady for championing the health of America’s children might seem like a bizarre political strategy — but in the paranoid worldview Palin is pushing, everything bends back to an anti-Obama, anti-Big Government talking point. It’s really Death Panels 101.

Yeah, first lady. “Get off our back,” Palin had said in a Nov. 24 radio rant. (See: Junk-food politics*). Most analysts expect hating on the Obamas to be a key plank in Palin’s 2012 presidential bridge to nowhere.

* Junk-food politics — salty, brightly packaged soundbites that contain no nutritional or civic value.

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a robotic humanoid with Teflon hair made in China by the Koch brothers.

Unlike traditional human politicians, the Romney is wired to calibrate its positions based solely on political expediency — suffering no moral compunction about switching from a pro-choice stance to gain election as governor of Massachusetts to fervently pro-life as the front-running Republican cyborg in the 2012 presidential race.

The strapping, kevlar politician — whose “face” is said to be molded from a top-secret, space-age polymer — has been dogged by allegations that he is a plastic opportunist ever since a 2007 Concord Monitor editorial branded him a raging, hypocritical “phony.”

But experts say it’ll take more than a little Romneycare scandal to derail the Mitt, which has carved out a front-runner spot in the 2012 race by disguising itself as a pandering corporate confidence man.

# # #

Romney should not be the next president   (Concord Monitor, Dec. 22, 2007)
Mitt has a dream    (Humor Gazette, Dec. 30, 2007)

# # #

Study shows alcohol effective in combating sobriety
Libyan protesters demand resignation of Gadhafi, Khadafi, Qadhafi and Khaddaffi

Imagine the dangerous aroma of a freshly fired 9 milimeter semiautomatic handgun.

Blend in the rich, bling-tastic bouquet of a burlap sack stuffed with $100 bills.

Now add an audaciously naughty whiff of skanky ghetto gold-digger.

Introducing 50 Scent — a gangsta-licious new fragrance created by platinum-toothed rap mogul 50 Cent.
(See poster version)

Just dab some on your neck, behind your ear and all up in your junk to drive the ladies wild.

Or slather some upside those unsightly drive-by scars to make old wounds sizzle with brutish sensuality.

50 Scent: Manufacturer’s suggested retail price: 50 Dollar

50
Cent introduces 50 Scent

Imagine the dangerous aroma of a freshly fired
9 milimeter semiautomatic handgun.

Blend in the rich, bling-tastic bouquet of
a burlap sack stuffed with $100 bills.

Now add an audaciously naughty whiff of skanky
ghetto gold-digger.

Introducing 50 Scent — a gangsta-licious
new fragrance created by platinum-toothed rap mogul 50 Cent.

(See poster version)

Just dab some on your neck, behind your ear
and all up in your junk to drive the ladies wild.

Or slather some upside those unsightly drive-by
scars to make old wounds sizzle with brutish sensuality.

50 Scent: Manufacturer’s suggested retail
price: 50 Dollar

Republican
presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is denying allegations
that he is a robotic humanoid with Teflon hair made in China
by the Koch brothers.

Unlike traditional human politicians, the
Romney is wired to calibrate its positions based solely
on political expediency — suffering no moral compunction
about switching from a pro-choice stance to gain election
as governor of Massachusetts to fervently pro-life as the
front-running Republican cyborg in the 2012 presidential
race.

The strapping, kevlar politician — whose
“face” is said to be molded from a top-secret,
space-age polymer — has been dogged by allegations that
he is a plastic opportunist ever since a 2007 Concord Monitor
editorial branded him a raging, hypocritical “phony.”

But experts say it’ll take more than a little
Romneycare scandal to derail the Mitt, which has carved
out a front-runner spot in the 2012 race by disguising itself
as a pandering corporate confidence man.

#
# #

Romney
should not be the next president   (Concord
Monitor, Dec. 22, 2007)
Mitt
has a dream    (Humor Gazette, Dec.
30, 2007)

# # #

Study
shows alcohol effective in combating sobriety
Libyan
protesters demand resignation of Gadhafi, Khadafi, Qadhafi
and Khaddaffi

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