Bush
flees to Asia

By John Breneman

His approval numbers sinking like a Siberian thermometer
at dusk, President Bush today fled to Asia for his eight-day
"Democracy Rocks/Terror Sucks" tour. The president
told Americans not to worry: Dick Cheney and Karl Rove will
be in charge while he’s gone.

Using exotic Asian backdrops, Bush plans to duck his mounting
woes by crowing about his early-bird perch on the avian flu
pandemic and parroting his new "my critics are trying
to rewrite history" soundbite.

Commenting on his record-low approval rating of 36 percent,
Bush repeated what he told the Humor
Gazette in May 2004, saying the poll numbers "send
the wrong message to our troops" and accusing unpatriotic
poll respondents of trying to "weaken our resolve."

Bush plans to sing the praises of democracy from Japan to
Mongolia and exchange winks and smirks with China about human
rights. Among the places President Bush will not stop during
his trip: Baghdad, Kabul, Teheran and Pyongyang.

While he is away, the president’s crack team of spin doctors
will try to reverse his ailing numbers by pointing out that
his "insufferable jackass" rating has skyrocketed
to 64 percent.

More good news: Bush’s approval rating is a robust
94% among those who believe it was a super idea to bust into
Iraq with no concern about alienating the rest of the world,
no clue that the welcome parade would be a military funeral
procession, no idea that his action would actually fuel the
international terrorist movement and no plan to stabilize
this ethnically and religiously complex nation and get the
hell out.