VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) A gnarly workplace dispute may cause unforeseen complications involving television cameras and child welfare authorities. Resist the temptation to bang a seven-gram rock at dusk. Bring it.

A loved one may resent threats of being stabbed in the eye with a penknife. Don’t let societal restraining orders inhibit your warlock powers. Tiger blood is thicker than water.

Goddesses are attracted to your virile, ruggedly handsome bank account. Spend less time pretending you’re not a totally bitchin’ rock star from Mars. Celebrate your inner crack ninja. (MORE)