Hilary Duff redefines ‘creative artist’

By Lars Trodson

The revolution began subtly.

In announcing an upcoming concert at the Verizon Wireless
Arena in Manchester, NH, a press release contained a quote
from Miss Duff that has sent seismic rumblings through the
artist community.

The Duff quote has artists such as Joni Mitchell, Carly Simon,
Aretha Franklin and, yes, even Barbara Streisand, shamefaced
at their antiquity and many have reportedly gone into seclusion
to think about their future in the creative arts.

"I give up," Ms. Mitchell is reported to have said.

The press release states, and we quote verbatim here: "If
you thought you knew film, TV and pop music star Hilary Duff
before, think again. Her new, self-titled Hollywood Records
album … shows the remarkable growth spurt she has undergone."
The press release was issued Dec. 7, 2004.

It is the following quote, attributed directly to Miss Duff
in the Verizon Wireless Arena press release, that has caused
this outpouring of grief in the worldwide artistic community.

"Compared to the first album, when I wasn’t confident
enough to make suggestions, this time around I was very involved,"
said Duff about the recording process of Hilary Duff. "I
worked with the songwriters, telling them what was happening
in my life, and what I wanted to sing about. If I thought
it needed to be more heavy, more rock, I said so. I feel that
this record is so much more me. I can’t wait for people to
hear it."

Poets and writers across the world found themselves staring
at blank pages of paper wondering why, for years, for decades,
for a lifetime, they had done all the heavy lifting themselves.
Why hadn’t the lightning bolt of inspiration hit them, as
it has, once again, the incredibly beautiful, rich and talented
Miss Duff?

"I used to tell people my inner thoughts, what I was
feeling," said Joni Mitchell when reached one afternoon
in Montana. "We would be talking, reading, singing, playing
guitar all night long. Sometimes I’d take what I said, or
what Bobby said, or Joanie, and I’d craft a little poem. Sweat
blood for it. Write out … each … little … fucking …
word."
The anger was palpable and Miss Mitchell’s cigarette was vibrating
between her fingers.

"And then I could either get the tune right away, as
though I had dug it up out of the … out of the earth. There
I go again trying to find just the right word, the right phrase.
But sometimes it would take weeks to find the right riff,
the tone, the…"

But the words, no longer angry but simply defeated, trailed
off, as wispy and ephemeral as the shadow of her cigarette
smoke.

On the fax machine at Aretha Franklin’s office was a message
containing the titles of some of the new tunes from the Hilary
Duff album. Franklin, her hands quaking, read the words: "Weird",
"Haters", "Do You Want Me", "Rock
This World" and "Fly."

"When I read this song title ‘Weird’," said the
Godmother of Soul, "I think that Hilary must have been
feeling kind of weird that day. I don’t think it, I know it.
I feel it. It just comes right through and hits you between
the eyes. ‘Haters.’ A word like that, you know, that kind
of word just doesn’t trip off the average person’s tongue.
You need a special, what is it, a special… Oh! How I wish
Hilary was here so I could tell her what I was feeling! She’d
know!"

There was even a vicious argument zipping back and forth
on every possible mode of communication between the members
of such diverse bands as Green Day, Good Charlotte, Velvet
Revolver, the White Stripes, Tenacious D, Metallica — even
such old stalwarts as Bon Jovi, Van Halen and Aerosmith —
all of whom had a member claiming to have helped Hilary shape
the words "Rock This World."

"For years, man, we were fuckin’ tryin’ to put how we
felt and what we were doin’ into fuckin’ words, man, and I
was talkin’ to Hilary, man, saying I just wanted to fuckin’
shake it up," said rocker Fred Durst. "And she fuckin’
lays down the hammer and fuckin’ says, Freddie, I know it,
man, it’s like rockin’ this world, man. When I get on stage,
she says, I just want to rock this world. And, of course,
whew! Man! There is was! It was like every single moment in
rock history rolled into fuckin’ one, man! Wow! Now three,
four fuckin’ generations of rock bands, man, now have a fuckin’
voice. We’re fuckin’ free! I can look around and say to these
other guys, you know what we’re doin’? We’re rockin’ this
world! Rockin’ it! Only somebody like Hilary could put it
together."

"I’ve never seen anybody convey their feelings to the
actual creative team the way Hilary Duff does," said
legendary producer Clive Davis. "I used to listen to
Miles Davis, or a Lou Reed, and they would try to tell a reporter
what they were trying to accomplish — and it was laughable,
really. They stumbled and stammered. But not Hilary. She’ll
say, ‘I’m sad.’ Or: ‘I’m hungry.’ Or, ‘Where’s my iPod.’ And
then we have a brand new shiny song."

Lohan

But just as the genealogy of this monster revolution seemed
clear, it was not. Movie star and budding pop idol Lindsay
Lohan said to Access Hollywood, "I was the one who pioneered
this %&*#."

But in true artistic fashion, Lohan didn’t let her emotion
go to waste. She immediately huddled with a team of writers
and producers in Los Angeles. She told them her feelings,
and they pounded out a crushing dance groove for the new single.

Lohan’s "That Bitch" should be in stores soon.