Iran agrees to nuclear talks, but not nuke-u-lar

By
John Breneman

Sources say President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is ready to accept
President Bush’s offer to open talks with Iran if it stops
monkeying with uranium, on one condition — Bush must agree
to correctly pronounce the word "nuclear."

"I’m sick of hearing that chump talk about Iran’s ‘nuke-u-lar
ambitions,’" said Ahmadinejad. "We want NUCLEAR
weapons — I mean energy — not nuke-u-lar."

Washington insiders say Iran’s offer is insincere because
Ahmadinejad knows Bush will never abandon his beloved alternative
pronunciation of the explosively symbolic n-word.

Nevertheless Ahmadinejad said he has much in common with
the man he has come to call "The Decider," pointing
out that they’re both kinda slow and despised throughout most
of the world. Also, the Iranian leader said, he just had to
put a bunch of people to death for singing the Iranian anthem
in English.

In a related development, China said it supports the U.S.
move to engage Iran in "nuke-ree-er" negotiations.

Related stories:
Bush’s
new Iranian pen pal — May 12, 2006

Bill
would ban singing anthem in Pig Latin — May 3,
2006

Iran
gets bird flu bomb — April 24, 2006