North Korea flunks missile test

By
Chris Elliott

North Korea test-fired seven missiles on July 4-5, one of
them a long-range ICBM, in clear defiance of the world community.
The missiles fell harmlessly into the Sea of Japan, where
they injured a sperm whale and wiped out a school of unwitting
prawns.

President Kim Jong Il proclaimed the zero-for-seven performance
a "grand triumph." However, his minister of missile
research could not be reached for comment after being "honored"
in front of a firing squad.

South Korean president Roh Moo Hyun said the missiles were
likely constructed from parts stolen from a Hyundai factory
scrap yard in Seoul, and remarked that Scott Peterson had
a better chance of getting to Hawaii this winter than a North
Korean missile.

President Bush emphasized diplomacy, saying North Korea "couldn’t
hit the broad side of a New York skyscraper" and advising
Kim Jong Il that if he had more missiles to "bring ’em
on."

Geopolitical analysts who have studied Kim Jong Il speculate
the deranged Yoko Ono look-alike is aiming to solidify his
legacy as the ugliest, dorkiest scourge in the history of
the world.

There have been no signs of preparations for further weapons
tests in North Korea, but one of the fallen missiles was returned
to Kim Jong Il. It was reportedly covered with red ink and
had a circled F minus at the top along with the comment, "You
can do better."

Related
story:
Angelina
Jolie romantically linked to Kim Jong Il — June
13, 2005

Also by Elliott:
Mispronouncing
a lie doesn’t make it true — Aug. 16, 2004

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