Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is denying allegations that he is a robotic humanoid with Teflon hair made in China by the Koch brothers.

Unlike traditional human politicians, the Romney is wired to calibrate its positions based solely on political expediency — suffering no moral compunction about switching from a pro-choice stance to gain election as governor of Massachusetts to fervently pro-life as the front-running Republican cyborg in the 2012 presidential race.

The strapping, kevlar politician — whose “face” is said to be molded from a top-secret, space-age polymer — has been dogged by allegations that he is a plastic opportunist ever since a 2007 Concord Monitor editorial branded him a raging, hypocritical “phony.”

But experts say it’ll take more than a little Romneycare scandal to derail the Mitt, which has carved out a front-runner spot in the 2012 race by disguising itself as a pandering corporate confidence man.

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Romney should not be the next president   (Concord Monitor, Dec. 22, 2007)
Mitt has a dream    (Humor Gazette, Dec. 30, 2007)

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