GOP death squad eyes ‘job-killing’ Obamacare

I think I’ve figured out why the Republicans give their
bill such a snarky title.

An act to repeal the:

The Socialist, Neo-Nazi, Job-Killing,
Elderly-Smothering, Anti-American, Unconstitutional, Jammed-Down-Our-Throats,
Keep-Your-Stinking-Government-Hands-Off-My-Medicare, Tax-and-Spend-Liberal
Health Care Law

Forgive
them, for they suffer a pre-existing condition.

It’s a rare combination of electile dysfunction, cerebral
hemorrhoids and congressional meningitis.

Their condition appears serious — aggravated by political
(though fortunately not moral) discomfort when asked why
they both utilize and oppose publicly funded health care.

Tests show they may also suffer from:

— Ideological leprosy
— Unmitigated gallstones
— Esophageal bloviation
— Male-pattern hypocrisy
— Soul weevils
— Post-traumatic soiled-pants syndrome
— Degenerative pharmaceutical-industrial complex

In the video
below (right), I run through some of the additional risks
of exposure to health-care reform rhetoric (including restless
middle finger syndrome).

Finally, some fool-proof investment advice: Buy bananas!!

Stephen Colbert was rollicking last night spoofing Glenn
Beck’s Goldline scam with his pitch for Yellowline. Confession: I love Colbert so much I made this
ridiculous video (below left) pledging allegiance
to his Americone Dream Ice Cream.

This just in (five years ago):
French
doctors perform first ass transplant

Also
today: A shout out to Bartcop,
an awesome political/humor site serving the Internets since
roughly 1842. A testament to their excellent taste in humor
is their not infrequent linkage to our satiric exclusives.