Iran
develops bird flu bomb

By
John Breneman

Iran today announced successful testing of what it calls
the world’s first bird flu-based weapons system.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, acknowledging that his nation’s
campaign to develop nuclear weapons had ruffled feathers internationally,
said Iran would abandon nukes in favor of bird flu bombs,
which he claimed are just as effective and far less expensive.

"Cheap, cheap, cheap," said Ahmadinejad, who made
the announcement with a brightly colored parrot perched on
his left shoulder. "You just take some avian flu — only
the finest H5N1 strain of course — swab it onto the tip of
a missile and, kablooey, a million dead infidels."

At one point, the parrot interrupted to shout, "Polly
wanna uranium yellow cake?" The parrot also called President
Bush a "bird brain" and squawked about "wiping
Israel off the face of the map."

Experts warn that bird-to-human transmission of avian flu
has killed hundreds, but that millions could die in a pandemic
if the deadly virus mutates into one capable of human-to-human
transmission. However, health officials have failed to consider
the full impact of missile-to-human transmission.

Iran has consistently thwarted the efforts of U.N. bird flu
inspectors, prompting new fears that scientists there may
also be monkeying around with swine flu, mad cow and monkeypox
bombs.

Related stories:
Big
Bird quarantined for avian flu — Nov. 7, 2005

Mad
cows sent to anger management — March 7, 2005