Heckuva
job, Bondsie

By John Breneman

California Gov. Arnold
Schwarzenegger today joined a growing number of politicians
and retired generals calling for the resignation of steroid-corrupted
baseball antihero Barry Bonds.

"I love steroids, but I don’t do them no more
because they made me grow breasts like a girly man,"
said Schwarzenegger. "Barry Bonds should ‘terminate’
his career."

Major League Baseball is pressuring Bonds with economic sanctions,
imposing
a $5,000 fine for his nonconforming wristbands.

Bonds apparently thought he could illegally bulk up, turn
his already potent bat into a weapon of mass destruction and
be showered with flowers and dates for liberating baseball’s
home run records. Instead he has been targeted by syringe-flinging
insurgents. Politicians from both sides of the aisle are making
their pitch for Bonds to step down.

"Hit the showers punk," said Sen.
Jim Bunning, the Hall of Fame rightie from Kentucky.

"Boooooo!!" said Gov.
Bill Richardson, the New Mexico left-winger who loves
baseball so much he used to claim he had been drafted by the
A’s.

Retired Gen. Hammerin’ Hank Aaron reportedly did not say,
"That chump should just hang up his jockstrap and wait
for his nuts to shrivel."

A spokesman for Bonds’ steroid-enlarged head said the
embattled star blames his woes on the media and other
unidentified "haters."

Related stories:
Bonds
rages against steroid allegations — March 8, 2006

Canseco
claims he did ‘roids with Bush — Feb. 14, 2005