Cheney
implicated in Soprano shooting

By John Breneman

Vice President Dick Cheney ordered last night’s shocking
"hit" on TV mob boss Tony Soprano and will make
a cameo appearance in next week’s episode to "personally
finish the job."

This according to a longtime Cheney lieutenant who helped
cover up a 2002 incident in which the vice president accidentally
gunned down a federal judge while whirling and firing at a
dove in the Rose Garden.

FBI and TV sources say Cheney, reputed don of the notorious
Bush family syndicate, will sneak into Soprano’s hospital
room wearing a Richard Nixon mask, strangle a bodyguard and
then spray Soprano with gunfire. However, there is also unconfirmed
chatter that Cheney may instead blast the mobster with a shoulder-fired
bazooka. Bada-boom.

Soprano was said to #3 on the vice president’s top-secret
"Whack List," a ledger of enemies who have crossed
him on everything from the dubious Dubai deal to his wacky
Iraq scam.

In other Cheney-related news, the vice president may have
accidentally carved up a man with a chainsaw while "clearing
brush" on President Bush’s ranch.

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Dick
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