Anna Nicole’s Supreme Court sex romp
By
John Breneman
Anna Nicole Smith realized her dream of stripping and sleeping
her way to the United States Supreme Court yesterday, seeking
$88 million and 60 million megawatts of free publicity for
her career as a boozy-blond-stripper-model-reality-TV-ho-silicone-liposuction-diet-scam-pitch-bitch.
The pig-ignorant ex-Playboy fleshpot hit the tabloid jackpot
when she wed a near-dead Texas billionaire in 1994, but her
$474 million winnings were cut to $88 million, then zero,
in a legal war that has built to this dramatic Supreme Court
climax.
The court today heard oral sex arguments on whether Smith
deserves any cash for banging a shriveled-up geezer old enough
to be her great-great-grandfather’s rich boss. It will not
address unsubstantiated claims that the 90-year-old oil tycoon
was smothered to death by his 26-year-old wife’s world-famous
gazongas, but sources say Smith is eager to invoke her Second
Amendment right to bare breasts.
Smith, who has demonstrated and apparent knack for turning
white trash to gold, appeared in court wearing a conservative
black dress from the Oliver Wendell Holmes collection.
Chief Justice John Roberts opened the proceeding by offering
to boost the potential damages to $88.5 million if Smith would
"allow the court to have a closer look at her enormous
assets."
Rookie Justice Samuel Alito was restrained by a bailiff while
trying to stuff loose bills into Smith’s cleavage and Wonkette.com
reported that Justice Clarence Thomas "appeared to be
engaged in vigorous note-taking underneath his robe."
The court is not expected to revisit Ho v. Wade, the landmark
1973 decision protecting a woman’s right to choose matrimony
with a filthy rich patsy so wrinkled he looks like a fetus.
The core issue appears to be what one legal analyst called
the "skank-titty of marriage."
Tomorrow, Donald
Trump will appear before the Supreme Court to promote
the upcoming season of "The Apprentice."
Related
stories:
Judge
Roberts faces abortion litmus test — July 29,
2005
Bush
pal hits jackpot — Oct. 3, 2005
‘Madman’
Hussein pleads insanity — Nov. 28, 2005