President Bush’s resolutions for 2006

The Humor Gazette has obtained
a top-secret imaginary White House

document that details President
Bush’s "New Year’s Resolutions" for ’06:

1.
Ride
my bike more

2. Stay the course (no booze and
coke)

3. Tell
Rummy he’s doin’ a heckuva job

4. Continue
to "think about Iraq every day"

5.
Figure out who’s askin’ for it worse: Iran or North Korea

6.
Keep eye out for bin Laden

7.
Cut down on funds paid to conservative media figures to spread
propaganda

8.
Clear more brush

9. Remember to emit "9/11"
at least three times in every speech

10.
(from Rummy) destigmatize "secret prisons" by referring
to them as "detainee information processing facilities"

11.
Keep world safe for Jesus-based democracy

12.
Don’t forget Rolls Royce for Prince Abdullah’s birthday (!!)

13. Keep more junk secret (like wiretaps
and stuff)

14.
Work on excellent, new variations of the smirk

Related story:
New
Year’s resolution: kick Pez addiction — Jan. 18,
2005