Bush linked to hemorrhoid controversy

The
White House today issued a statement denying that President
Bush faltered during the crucial early phase of Hurricane
Katrina because he was busy making ads for a new medication
used to treat hemorrhoids.

Critics claim this is yet another example of Bush doing favors
for his cronies in the powerful anti-hemorrhoids industry
and have called for a probe on whether he profited from his
alleged endorsement of a product called Preparation W.

However, a spokesman pointed out that the ad actually makes
the president look like a jackass and is probably a "partisan
attack" from some latte-drinking, liberal satirist.

Preparation W, the ad claims, "relieves the painful
burning, itching and discomfort associated with President
Bush and his policies." The fine print says it "helps
shrink swollen budget deficits" and "prevents further
insurgency in the affected area."

Sen. Ted Kennedy declined to comment on the controversy over
Preparation W and its promise of "fast, temporary relief
from a pain-in-the-ass president." But sources say the
Massachusetts Democrat has discreetly inquired about ordering
five cartons.