DeLay named ‘Big House’ Majority Leader

By
John Breneman

A Texas grand jury today charged Rep. Tom
DeLay with political dirty tricks and campaign finance
chicanery.

Leading House Democrats responded by issuing the following
brief statement: "Ha, ha."

DeLay, who is pretending to be innocent, faces a potential
two-year prison sentence, though some Democrats have called
for him to be hanged.

When informed of his indictment, DeLay reportedly headbutted
a sheriff’s deputy and carjacked a White Bronco before surrendering
to TV bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman.

DeLay, an outspoken Texas conservative known for his colorful
Ten Commandments underwear and devious money-laundering schemes,
is accused of playing God with state and national politics.

In an unrelated development, DeLay announced he plans to
relinquish his post as House majority leader, citing a desire
to "spend more quality time with my defense attorneys."