Shuttle repair costs ‘out of this world’

By
John Breneman

NASA officials say today’s historic repair of some fabric
dangling from the space shuttle’s underbelly was an unqualified
success. But more technical woes lurk on the horizon, including
a squeaky timing belt and a possible blown gasket in one of
the vessel’s powerful V-8,000,000 engines.

While NASA engineers remain optimistic that Discovery did
not "throw a rod," such a condition would increase
the likelihood that Commander Eileen Collins would need to
radio AAA for assistance during the return trip.

Another spacewalk repair mission is being planned for tomorrow,
involving a 58-foot robotic Craftsman socket wrench operated
by a grimy-faced spaceship mechanic named Rusty. Including
parts and labor, the job shouldn’t cost taxpayers more than,
let’s say, 18 million bucks.

Among the many other maintenance challenges facing the shuttle:
If Discovery travels approximately 18,000 miles per hour, then
to avoid unnecessary wear and tear the crew should change
the oil roughly every 10 minutes. However, this is not practical
due to the high cost of petroleum and the fact that it is
difficult to store 50,000 quarts of Pennzoil 10W-40,000,000
in the shuttle’s cramped payload.