Humor Gazette spokesmodel Tiffany Tiara-Smith celebrates being crowned Miss Satire.

Humor Gazette thanks
‘the little people’
for Satire Awards

By John Breneman

Thanks largely to an impressive turnout by the "my mom"
demographic, the Humor Gazette has won first-place honors
in four categories in the quarterly contest sponsored by The
Satire Awards.

The $1.2 million in imaginary prize money ($37.25 after taxes)
will be used to break ground on the 56-story Humor Gazette
Building in downtown Manhattan and hire five new writers,
four of them monkeys.

Below
is a scene from the lavish, red-carpet Satire Awards ceremony,
held this year at an abandoned warehouse in Pismo Beach, Nebraska:

"In addition to the proverbial ‘little people,’ I’d
like to thank President George W. Bush, without whom none
of this would be possible. Thanks also to Donald Rumsfeld,
Saddam Hussein, John Kerry, Yasser Arafat, Britney Spears,
Speed Racer and Jacko. My sincere gratitude Humor Gazette
technical guru Jeff Raper; yes ladies, that’s his real name.

(Red light flashed 10 seconds ago; music begins playing)

… and I’d like to thank my crack team of attorneys,
agents, publicists, existential satirists, botox aestheticians
and liposuction technicians. Oh and Johnny and Ronnie and
Pee-Wee and Osama and Moammar and Groucho and Hunter and Jose
and Howard and we’ll always have Paris … and Martha and
John Paul and the Donald … and Jesus Christ and Condoleezza
Rice …

(Long hooked cane appears from Stage Left and yanks hapless
douche behind curtain)

Satire Award winners from the last quarter include:
1st — Most believable: Rumsfeld
offers proof of link between Saddam Hussein and … Rumsfeld
1st — Best Headline: Speed
Racer busted for speeding, possession of speed
1st — Best Current Events: A
tip of the hat to Arafat
1st — Best Celebrity: Scent
of a pop tart: Britney’s new perfume
2nd — Best Presidential: Pet
Goats for Bush in ’04
2nd — Best Related Picture: Baby
Pees on Bush
2nd — Best Site Design
3rd — Best Sports: Donkeys
defeat Elephants in political football

Humor Gazette CEO Arturo DiMaunchie today announced a new
initiative to get people to vote for the Gazette in the next
installment of the seemingly perpetual Satire Awards competition,
saying the awards boost morale on the publication’s one-person
staff.

Enter
private voting booth here

EDITOR’S NOTE: After a brief sabbatical from 20 years
in real journalism to focus on fake news writing, I am back
in the workforce as an overnight online editor at BostonHerald.com.
Looks like I’ll be writing some columns too.    –
– John Breneman

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