Kerry
tries stand-up, forced to stand down

By
John Breneman

That wacky
Josh Kerry (D-Massa … Hey Lady!), he’s got a million
of ’em. Yep, this war is a real knee-slapper. You probably
already heard the one about the blowhard politician who tried
to make a joke about the president being a clueless moron
and ended up distracting the voters from what a clueless moron
the president is.

One of Dick
Cheney‘s joke boys penned a good one for the boss
in response to the Kerry combat-boot-in-mouth incident, telling
the crowd at a campaign stop in Montana that Kerry actually
"was for the joke before he was against it."

Some troops "stuck
in Irak" also displayed a sense of humor. Perhaps
Sen. Kerry should have hired the Humor Gazette to knock out
a couple of Iraq gut-busters.

JOKE #1
Q: How many brave but undermanned, underequipped U.S. troops
does it take to wage an idiot president’s unnecessary war
in a country that had no weapons of mass destruction?"

A: Ask Rummy.

JOKE #2
Q: What did the president of the United States say to the
incompetent hand-picked hack who led the administration’s
botching of the Hurricane Katrina disaster?
A: "Brownie,
you’re doing a heck of a job."

JOKE #3
"Knock knock."
"Who’s there?"
"Iraq."
"Iraq who?"
"Iraq will greet us as liberators and become a shining
beacon of democracy and ululate the praises of President George
W. Bush from Basra to Fallujah."

JOKE #4
Q: How many no-bid government contractors does it take to
screw in a $600 Halliburton lightbulb in between power outages
in Baghdad?
A: The U.S. General Accounting Office does not know.

JOKE
#5 (With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)

If terrorists threaten to kill soldiers that you put in harm’s
way, and you tell ’em to "Bring it on" … you may
be a redneck president.

If you’re trying to rally the rest of the world to fight
terrorism and you tell ’em "you’re either with us or
you’re with the terrorists" … you may be a redneck
president.

If yer idea of a perfect vacation involves clearin’
brush … you may be a redneck president.

If yer vice
president shoots a man in the face on a huntin’ trip
… you may be a redneck president.

* * *

Finally, I found the joke Kerry actually meant to deliver
at LotsOfJokes.com,
(author unkown).

George Bush has started an ill-timed and disastrous war under
false pretenses by lying to the American people and to the
Congress; he has run a budget surplus into a severe deficit;
he has consistently and unconscionably favored the wealthy
and corporations over the rights and needs of the population;
he has destroyed trust and confidence in, and good will toward,
the United States around the globe; he has ignored global
warming, to the world’s detriment; he has wantonly broken
our treaty obligations; he has condoned torture of prisoners;
he has attempted to create a theocracy in the United States;
he has appointed incompetent cronies to positions of vital
national importance.

Now, would someone please give him a blow job so we can impeach
him?

Related stories:
Terror
and laughter: Bush’s stand-up routine — Jan. 25,
2006

Comic
bomb: Bush slays ’em with WMD gag — March 26,
2004