VH-1 shooting Charles Manson reality
show

By John Breneman

Negotiations for a new Charles Manson reality show on VH-1
have broken down over the notorious serial killer’s demand
that each episode end with the ritualistic slaying of two
baby gerbils and a music industry executive.

Footage has already been shot for several episodes of the
program — tentatively titled "Charlie Knows Best,"
"Manson Family Values" or "Death to the Television
Whore-Bastards."

In one, a heavily shackled Manson visits an old-folks home
and delights skeptical seniors by teaching a workshop on how
to carve Nazi insignias into their foreheads.

In another, furious when guards at California’s Corcoran
State Prison strip a tattered Farrah Fawcett poster from his
6-by-8-foot "crib," Manson sets fire to his mattress,
poops on the floor and spits into the camera 142 times.

Manson spews contempt for his rivals in one chilling segment,
fashioning a crude jailhouse shiv from a Mountain Dew can
while threatening to eat the intestinal "sweet bread"
of Hulk Hogan, Danny Bonaduce and Flavor Flav.

VH-1 insiders also are touting a special cameo in which Lynette
"Squeaky" Fromme is caught trying to assassinate
President Bush, ex-Beach Boy Brian Wilson and Oprah.

A source close to the guy who cleans the maggots out of Manson’s
beard claims the celebrity psychopath delighted producers
with his catchy signature slogan: "The streets will run
red with the Robitussin cough syrup of the non-believers!"