Operation
Polyps: Bush
doctors secure ‘Brown Zone’

By Ernie Pyles

WASHINGTON — Army phycisians revealed yesterday that they
extracted a large insect known as the Saddamus Husseinious
from the rectum of President George W. Bush during his weekend
surgery and expressed wonder that the commnader in chief had
apparently been living with such a giant Iraqi bug up his
ass for more than a decade.

"If we’d only known he had the Saddam bug up his ass
seven years ago, we’d have extracted it then and maybe spared
our nation a giant wretched smelly mess," said Army surgeon
Lt. Col. Wink Martindale. "As it was, it was pretty deeply
embedded in the colonic wall and we had to use an improvised
explosive scalpel to get it out."

The White House issued a statement declaring that Bush was
"whiny and uncomfortable" and that the president
hoped "the brief but intense surge he is currently experiencing
would allow for a smooth transition to a more cohesive and
stable movement in the direction of regularity … in Iraq,
I mean, of course."

The
Saddamus bug is described as a cross between a giant tick
and a giant sand weevil. Doctors said they were forced to
decapitate the painful insect with a makeshift surgical noose
and extract its body followed by its head.

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French
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2005