How
to tell if yer president is a redneck
Yep. Billy Buck Teefus here – American redneck savant.
I heard that Foxworthy feller on the TV talkin’ ’bout
if this-’n’-that-whatever … you might be a
redneck. And I figure I must be one, cause nine outta 10 of
them sumbitches I sez yes to all of ’em.
Dang right I’s got a rag fer a gas cap? And what’s
wrong with takin’ a load down to the dump and comin’
home with a bigger one?
This here’s America!
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with bein’ a redneck?
President of the U-nited States is one, ain’t he?
Least accordin’ to that you-might-be-a-redneck test,
you figure:
If you gits 4,000 American soldiers killed in an unnecessary
war, and then start bragging that we’s “kicking
ass” … you might be a redneck president.
If you live in the White House, but’d rather spend five
months a year out in Texas clearin’ brush … you might
be a redneck president.
If yer idea of diplomacy is t’go around rootin’
tootin’ shootin off words like “smoke ’em out,”
“bring ’em on” and “dead or alive”
… you might be a redneck president.
And, sure enough, if yer second in command shoots a huntin’
buddy in the face …
you might be a redneck president.
Editor’s note: Billy Buck Teefus is a fictional
character. His opinions do not necessarily reflect those of
the Boston Herald, the Humor Gazette or the American redneck
community.