Abramoff
fingerprints
found on president’s ass

By John Breneman

Forensic political analysts today unveiled new evidence linking
President Bush to lobbyist Jack Abramoff — a clean set of
the disgraced influence peddler’s fingerprints reportedly
lifted from Bush’s buttocks.

White House spokesman Scott McClellan confirmed that Abramoff
was a Bush "pioneer" (for contributing $100,000
or more to the ’04 Bush-Cheney campaign), but asserted the
president does not know Abramoff or recall ever having met

McClellan said he could not comment on an ongoing investigation,
but maintained that if the lobbyist did somehow gain access
to the presidential hindquarters he did so without the president’s
knowledge. (Sources close to Bush’s backside say that kind
of access costs at least $1.2 million.)

Most analysts agree that photographs of the two men together
in a receiving line do not prove Bush knew Abramoff. However,
the Humor Gazette has learned there may be a potentially more
damaging photo of Abramoff at a White House poker game with
the president and his pals Scooter and Brownie.