Bonds rages against steroid allegations

By
John Breneman

Barry Bonds angrily denied allegations of steroid use today,
smashing several airplanes and buses to underscore his claim
of innocence.

A spokesman said a new book detailing Bonds’ reputed steroid-shooting
and gobbling will not affect his quest to amass the largest
head in baseball history.

When asked by the media whether he was "ripped"
on steroids at that moment, the giant Giants slugger responded
by grabbing 5-9, 185-lb. shortstop Omar Vizquel, swinging
him like a bat and knocking over several cameramen.

Bonds, who needs just 48 home runs to surpass Hank Aaron’s
all-time record, said he plans to do that by May, break his
own single-season mark of 73 in late July and then die of
liver failure and exploding testicles around September.

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