White House in doghouse over puppy choice

By
John Breneman

President Bush has come under fire for selecting a Scottish
terrier instead of an American breed as the cuddly new White
House puppy.

Dane Basset, a spokesman for B.A.R.K. (Buy American Registered
K9s), criticized the Bushes for failing to make a more patriotic
selection. "An American pit bull terrier would have sent
a powerful message to the rest of the world, like ‘You play
things our way or we’ll rip your friggin’ head off’,"
said Basset.

But President Bush said he wanted the decision process to
be entirely free of political considerations. So after quickly
ruling out German shepards and French poodles, he refused
to pander to Hispanic voters by adopting a chihuahua and settled
in on the Scottish terrier, which the Bushes have named Miss
Beazley.

The 10-week-old canine frolicked for the cameras Thursday
with the Bush’s other dog Barney, also a Scottish terrier.
The adorable little bitch, a birthday gift to First Lady Laura
Bush, is said to be the daughter of Barney’s half-brother.

The animal has been fully vetted by the FBI to assure there
will be no embarrassing revelations involving public urination
or links to any extremist terrier organizations. Miss Beazley
is expected to breeze through her upcoming Senate confirmation
hearings.

Sources say Laura Bush put considerable thought into naming
her new puppy. Miss Beazley won out over a colorful list that
included Miss Condy, Flip-Flop, Ahmad, Tax-Cutter, Arbusto,
Spot II and W.M.Deedles.

Miss Beazley is expected to get along well with the president’s
beloved pet goat, Michael, and the rest of the White House
menagerie: a praying mantis named Mr. Jeezums, Saddam Hussein’s
former hamster and a belligerent armadillo called Rum-Tum-Tumsfeld.