Bush puts the moves on Saudi prince

Despite some flirtatious hand-holding, sources say President Bush couldn’t get to second base with swarthy Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah.

By John Breneman

Holding hands with his special friend Prince Abdullah, President
Bush said today he tried everything to get the bashful Saudi
monarch to drop the price of oil — from flowers and chocolates
to butterfly kisses and promises of geopolitical favors.

But don’t expect Bush’s wooing to pay off at the pump. Despite
charming him with pickup truck rides and brush-clearing lessons,
sources say the president couldn’t even get to second base
with the sexy Saudi.

However, the two men did share a hearty laugh at one point.
When Bush asked what he could do to reduce America’s dependence
on foreign oil, Abdullah quipped that he could urge people
to drive more fuel-efficient vehicles. The president managed
to keep a straight face for a few seconds before erupting,
"Heh, heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh."

Sources say the president rejected diplomatic advice from
Tom Bolton, the controversial United Nations nominee who said
Bush should order a Secret Service man to get the prince in
a chokehold and push his face into the windshield of Bush’s
pickup truck until he cried "Uncle Sam" and agreed
to drop oil prices.

Instead, Bush gave the prince a piggy-back ride around his
Crawford, Texas, ranch and engaged in some playful banter
about Saudi Arabia’s woeful human rights record. The prince
also showed off his mischievous side, at one point gesturing
to the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara, and asking the president,
"How much for the women?"

When pressed about the high cost of crude, the prince said
he could maybe knock off a penny or two, but explained that
he had a fiduciary responsibility to his wealthy backers to
keep their profits as high as possible. Bush said he understood
completely.

After his play date with the prince, Bush said he will keep
trying to seduce the Saudis but won’t waver from his strategy
of seeking new sources of oil in protected wildlife refuges
and politically unstable regimes.