Ex-Chihuahua sues Paris Hilton

By
John Breneman

A disgruntled Chihuahua once owned by Paris Hilton is suing
the long-legged, pinheaded heiress for $2.5 million, alleging
lurid tales of canine porn and doggie-style debauchery.

Attorneys
for the dog, identified in court documents as "Tinkerbell
7," claim Hilton had made "certain representations"
about taking care of the diminutive handbag-dwelling pooch
in "the lifestyle to which it has become accustomed."

A spokesman for Hilton claimed the dog was let go after it
breeched an unwritten agreement by peeing on a $500,000 jewel-encrusted
minidress while sitting in Hilton’s lap at Daddy Bling’s in
Monaco. But the dog’s legal team says several eyewitnesses
will testify that "Paris had already peed on the same
dress at least twice that night."

The lawsuit also hints at domestic abuse. "Paris used
to beat me," claims the former pet, citing one incident
in which it suffered a fractured front leg when Hilton "bitch
slapped" it for walking in unannounced while she was
entertaining an identified pile of men.

Tinkerbell 7, who once dreamed of hauling his mistress to
glory in the MTV Celebrity Iditarod, has been reduced to panhandling
(yapping "Where’s the beef" for spare change on
Rodeo Drive) and doing guest spots on shows like VH1’s "100
Nastiest Celebrity Poop-Related Incidents."

Related
stories:
Al-Qaeda
snatches Paris Hilton
— June 12, 2006

Rapper
50 Cent introduces 50 Scent
— Sept. 23, 2005

Ono!
… Yoko to blame for McCartney split
— May 19, 2006

Anna
Nicole’s Supreme Court sex romp
— March 1, 2006