Gilligan
‘taken out’ by CIA

The Humor Gazette/IBS News has learned that Gilligan, the
lovable TV knucklehead known to billions as "Little Buddy,"
was assassinated by the CIA because he "knew too much."

Agency spokesman Arthur Gunn confirmed that the CIA "whacked"
Gilligan (aka Bob
Denver), on orders from a high-ranking Defense Department
official who is part human, part wolverine. But he declined
to reveal if it was because the legendarily empty-headed Gilligan
"knew too much." And, if so, too much of what?

Some say Gilligan claimed to have sensitive information about
a certain "three-hour booze cruise" that President
Bush took during his National Guard career.

But a source close to the Skipper revealed that a Pentagon
official, described as part human, part rabid gorilla came
to believe that Gilligan had gotten ahold of some uranium
and was concocting a half-baked scheme to build a nuclear
bomb so a passing ship might see his mushroom cloud and transport
him back to "civilization." The concern is reportedly
outlined in a 2001 document entitled "Gilligan Determined
to Strike in U.S."

Related story:
Pat
Robertson (aka "The Sermonator") — Aug.
29, 2005