Critics charge Harry Potter used
performance-enhancing potions

By John Breneman

Best-selling children’s book wizard Harry Potter –
already under
fire from evangelical Christian groups and even
the Pope for promoting witchcraft – now faces
charges that he has used performance-enhancing potions.

To cast his magical spell over young minds throughout the
world, Potter has reportedly dabbled in a list of banned substances
that includes Flobberworm, Chocoballs and Peppermint Toads.

“There’s no telling what kind of illicit Pixie
Juice this kid has gotten into,” said Lucius Malfoy,
father of Potter’s archrival Draco Malfoy, in today’s
edition of the Daily Prophet, the national wizarding newspaper.
“I mean, nobody is THAT good at the game of Quidditch.”

Malfoy alleges Potter may have experimented with a Swelling
Solution, a potion that causes body parts to swell to enormous
proportions. He also there claims are hidden clues to Potter’s steroid
use in the book “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Horse
Tranquilizers.”

The use of performance-enhancing spells and magical substances
touches on many ethical and legal gray areas. For example,
the Wizard’s Handbook lists “Eye of Newt” as
an acceptable substance, but “Newt Growth Hormone”
is banned.

At presstime, there is no conclusive evidence linking Potter
to illegal use of Jelly Slugs or Unicorn Testosterone, but
there is a growing call among critics for authorities to test
the young wizard’s wiz. If officially charged and convicted
of using banned substances, Potter could face up to 18 months
in the maximum-security prison at Azkaban.

Potter’s supporters claim the allegations are motivated
by jealousy — he is about to break all existing records for
book publishing — and attribute the anti-Potter movement
to society’s growing inability to distinguish between
fact and fiction.

Related stories:
Incredible
Hulk implicated in steroid probe — March 18, 2005

Canseco
claims he did steroids with Bush — Feb. 14, 2005