Gas prices impact ‘drive-by’ shootings

By
John Breneman

The high cost of gasoline is affecting yet another segment
of the economy, as U.S. gang leaders report skyrocketing fuel
costs are crippling their ability to administer "drive-by"
shootings.

"The pump price for unleaded has increased the cost
of pumping a punk full of lead," said the noted gangland
economist Notorious S.T.P., whose observation prompted an
angry-looking colleague with a giant gun tucked in his underpants
to respond, "Word."

Because such slayings are customarily carried out in gas-guzzling
Cadillac Escalades and Lincoln Continentals, gang enforcers
have been forced to take a hard look at the number of vehicle-based
murders they can afford in their budgets.

This past week here have been scattered reports of Bloods
and Crips switching to fuel-efficient drive-bys in Toyota
Prius hybrids "pimped out" with menacing tinted
windows and "low rider" hydraulics.

Police in the gang-ravaged Compton section of Los Angeles
have witnessed a spike in the number of "walk-up"
shootings and there is at least one report of a teen killer
"rolling up" on a Big Wheel to "cap" a
fellow thug.

In a related story, authorities report an increase in the
number of drive-by gunfire coming from Chryslers now that
Snoop Dogg has joined the posse of Detroit-based gang boss
Lee Iacocca (aka "Ike-a-Zizzle").

Gas
prices have U.S. motorists over a barrel — Aug.
15, 2005