U.S.
bombs Iraq in geopolitical hoop tourney

By
John Breneman

Heavily favored America unleashed a barrage of three-point
bombs midway through the fourth quarter to claim a decisive
victory over University of Iraq-Baghdad and advance to the
next round of the annual March Madness geopolitical showdown.

When America deployed its vaunted "shock and awe"
offense to seize a huge first-quarter lead, sources say President
Bush became so excited that he yelled "Mission Accomplished"
and nearly choked on a pretzel. But the scrappy insurgents
battled back using their home-court advantage to mount an
improvised explosive attack that critics said caught the U.S.
completely off guard.

Early in the third quarter the U.S. was charged with several
flagrant fouls for its controversial Abu Ghraib strategy,
and for a moment it seemed the team might be haunted by predictions
of an easy win and assistant coach George Tenet’s ill-advised
talk of a "slam dunk."

But America’s superior firepower, defense and human rights
record ultimately carried the day. Some analysts even described
the contest as anticlimactic when it became clear that the
underdog Iraqis never actually possessed the advanced offensive
weapons that were the subject of much pre-game hype.

The
U.S. now takes aim at its next opponent, either the feisty
Syria State Hezballers or the dangerous and unpredictable
Commie Rebels of Southeast North Korea Tech.

America opened the tournament by crushing the Fighting Cavemen
of Central Afghanistan U. before moving on to hard-fought
wins over perennial ACC champion Nuke and longtime rival Totalitarian
State.

Other winners in yesterday’s quarterfinal-round action include
the Vatican State Cardinals, the Non-Fighting Frogs of l’Universite
de France, the Tehran State-sponsored Terrorists and this
year’s Cinderella story, the brave Tsunami Men of Indonesia
A&M.