Gunfight
at the WMD Corral

By John Breneman

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has challenged President
George W. Bush to a nuclear showdown, daring the president
to meet him at high noon Sunday in a tumbleweed-infested ghost
town near Pyongyang.

The reclusive dictator boasted that he’s got a nifty arsenal
of nuclear weapons and an itchy trigger finger. He also renounced
the ongoing six-party disarmament talks and said he is sick
of talk.

"Talk is cheap. It’s go time," said Kim Jong Il,
who offered Bush his choice of .45-kiloton nuclear revolvers
or shoulder-mounted Nuke-a-Bazooka warheads.

President Bush called Kim Jong Il a "tyrant and a madman."

Kim Jong Il called President Bush a "madman and a tyrant."

Both men trash-talked the other’s daddy, and Bush said Kim
Jong Il reminded him of the arch-villain Dr. Evil from the
Austin Powers movies.

"That guy kills me," said Kim Jong Il, standing
next to a midget dressed identically in olive drab and large
tinted sunglasses. "Axis of Evil, bring ’em on, dead
or alive… He’s got a million of ’em."

"This town ain’t big enough for the both of us,"
said Kim Jong Il, who reportedly is a big fan of American
westerns and gangster movies.

"Don’t make me come over there and attach electrodes
to your genitals," responded Bush, who announced a plan
to replace the North Korea’s hard-line Communist regime with
a violent, unstable pseudo-democracy.

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld offered to send some people
to pin Kim Jong Il’s arm behind his back until he cries "Uncle
Sam."

In other nuclear news:
Gen. Pervez Musharraf, president of Pakistan, accidentally
detonated a small nuclear device in his office yesterday.
Musharraf reported that he was "cleaning the weapon"
when all of a sudden it "just went off."