Hamas Minority Whip Akmed AK-47 Aziz pledges reform.

Hamas election aftershocks …
bin Laden mulls bid for alderman

By John Breneman

The violent Hamas party’s victory in the Palestinian elections
is widely seen as a key milestone in the Middle East’s conversion
to a terrorcratic form of government.

Hamas leader Israel iz-Bad vowed between squeezing off bursts
of fire from his AK-47 to once again make the Palestinian
parliament safe for ski masks and machine guns. Political
analysts say the group’s plain-spoken "Screw Israel"
message resonated with voters in the pivotal Moustafa Lunch-Bucket
demographic.

However, Iz-Bad said he does not share Iran’s view that Israel
should be "wiped off the map." Instead, he favors
covering Israel in cement, buildings and all, and constructing
a swanky, mixed-use Palestinian development called Gazaville.

But in the emerging coalition government, he will have to
share power with one group that believes Israel should be
deported to Antarctica and another that advocates packing
Israel into crates and shipping it to a toxic waste site in
Arizona.

Hamas
also pledged to improve public education for young suicide
bombers, who studies show are falling behind their peers in
Iraq and Afghanistan.

The election is viewed as a positive sign for terror honchos
like Osama bin Laden, now said to be mulling a bid for alderman
in Islamabad. A spokesman reported a sharp increase in campaign
contributions to bin Laden’s political action committee, Friends
of Death to America.

Terrorist parties also made electoral gains in Syria, Yemen
and Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, where the school board was seized
by a slate of hooded candidates called the Jesus Liberation
Front.

Related story:
Hussein
dope-slapped in Iraqi election — Dec. 16, 2005