Holy
hitman: Rev. Robertson says ‘Thou shall kill’

By
John Breneman

Humor Gazette/IBS News anchorman Reid Page is standing by
his comment that pin-headed televangelist Pat Robertson needs
to be "dope slapped."

Commenting on Robertson’s
televised call for America to assassinate the president of
Venezuela, Mr. Page also suggested that U.S. covert
operatives "stuff a sock in Robertson’s hypocritically
holier-than-thou pious-hole."

Robertson has been trying to weasel out of his comments since
Monday, first denying he used the word "assassinate"
(it’s on the videotape, moron) and then employing the time-honored
"taken out of context" defense.

A spokesman for Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network
explained that the commandment "Thou shalt not kill"
— like all religious rules and regulations — was never meant
to apply to egomaniacal TV pulpit pundits.

The Bush administration has distanced itself from Robertson’s
assassination plan, stating that a more prudent course of
action would be to bomb the hell out of Venezuela, forcing
its president to hide in a cave and sparking an insurgency
that would assure continued U.S. presence for the next 5-10
years.

In other news:
Humor
Gazette/IBS News obtains sneak peak at Iraqi Constitution
— July 25, 2005