George W. Bush rubs me the wrong way. Yes, I admit it is not
very nice to call the President of the United States a "flaming
asshole," but that’s just how I feel. I can barely stand
the sight of his smug, lying face. But there he is on my goddamn
television, every day, spending those millions from his bottomless
campaign warchest.

In his
latest campaign ad, the president displays his unparalleled
talent for coming across as a jerk even when delivering a
"positive" soundbite. Watch Bush’s face and body
language when he says: "I’m optimistic about America
because I believe in the people of America."

He’s got that half smirk going, and he’s shaking his head
"no" as if he’s dismissing the latest pain-in-the-ass
question about his war, as if he is about to add, "I’d
be very careful about denigrating the spirit of the American
people."

But that’s just Bush playing one of his favorite, most transparent
games. You know the one: No matter what the question is, Bush
pretends the questioner has just insulted America and that
he is stepping in to defend her.

I know it would probably be much more helpful to offer a
reasoned, analytical critique of Bush’s policies. But some
days it seems more important to just call him a friggin’ jackass
and leave it at that.

Just pals
Refuting a
recent Humor Gazette report that Osama bin Laden and
Saddam Hussein shared an intimate relationship that resulted
in marriage and the adoption of a shaved-ape baby, a bin Laden
spokesmen tells esteemed fake news man Andy Borowitz that
the wild and crazy evildoers are "just
good friends."

June 18, 2004

Sunday is Father’s Day.
Here is a humorous
salute to an outstanding dad, mine.