IBS News obtains sneak peak at Iraqi Constitution

By
John Breneman

Iraq is making progress
in hammering out a new Constitution, now that the
Sunnis have ended their boycott and returned to the bargaining
table with an assortment of mallets, gavels and ball-peen
hammering devices.

Humor Gazette/IBS News has obtained an exclusive sneak peek
at an early draft of the document, which is scheduled for
a national referendum on Oct. 15 if the country is not completely
destroyed by then.

Etched on the finest Mesopotamian papyrus, it calls for the
creation of an Islamocratic
form of government with a democratically elected House
of Mullahs. It also contains also provisions dealing with
possession and transportation of moonshine, and the possible
right of women to show their faces in public under certain
conditions.

A source close to Karl
Rove, speaking on the condition that I be sent to
Guantanamo Bay if I ever so much as whisper his name, revealed
that there is widespread agreement on the first two articles.

Article I.
Congress shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of
religion, except to prohibit those extremist douchebags from
killing people in the name of Allah.

Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech,
except in the case of naughty words (see also Article XXX:
"Wardrobe malfunctions).

Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of the press
to publish juicy celebrity tidbits or to broadcast rank speculation
and blatantly biased opinion-mongering as "news."

Article II.
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security
of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear
rocket launchers, Uzis and surface-to-air missiles, shall
not be infringed. (Also protected: Molotov cocktails, Saturday
night specials AK-47s, Gatling guns, bazookas, M4 Carbines,
sawed-off shotguns, etc.)