Jacko verdict rocks the globe

By
John Breneman

Reaction to the Michael Jackson verdict has taken a violent
turn amid reports of anti-Jackson forces clashing with pro-Jacko
extremists around the globe.

Reporting live from Baghdad, Geraldo Rivera called the situation
there "bad" and "dangerous" as he described
a wave of looting, pillaging and baby dangling sparked by
the news that America’s most bizarre megastar was acquitted
on four counts of "Beat It" with a minor.

Several jurors were hospitalized for rabies shots after being
attacked outside the courthouse in Santa Maria, Calif., by
a pack of salivating media jackals. And an angry mob of molestation
victims lynched a Jackson look-alike in Jackson, Mississippi.

The Jacko verdict death toll now stands at one with more
fatalities expected in the days ahead, particularly in Sumatra
where a zookeeper sick of seeing that woman release doves
on TV responded by releasing a pair of man-eating tigers.

The situation was also tense in Madagascar, where the nation
is sharply divided into warring factions — those who worship
Jackson as a mystical putty-nosed deity and those who fear
him as a whitish-black anti-Christ capable of summoning a
fiery apocalypse with a wave of his sequin-gloved hand.

Fox News reported that much of the violence can be blamed
on Newsweek, which has since retracted an item saying Jackson
planned to celebrate by throwing a pajama party gangbang with
free "Jesus juice" for boys under 12.

In religious circles, the Rev. Jesse Jackson continued his
marathon "I’m with Jacko" filibuster and a Jackoist
monk imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay went on a hunger strike,
claiming guards mishandled his sacred copy of "Thriller."

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Stay tuned to the Jacko
Channel for live updates from our Action Jackson 5 News
team.