Miers
flees Supreme Court fiasco

By
John Breneman

White House counsel Harriet
Miers withdrew her nomination for the Supreme Court
today, a move widely seen as an admission that she would not
be able to win confirmation from the Senate Judiciary Committee,
despite her plan to bake yummy chocolate-chip cookies for
the entire panel.

"You know the expression, ‘If you can’t stand the heat,
get out of the kitchen.’ Well let’s just say she was going
to feel a little bit of heat during the confirmation hearings,"
said a source close to the Senate washroom attendant.

Critics contend that her primary qualification — being one
of President Bush’s bestest pals — could not offset the fact
that she was the least-qualified Supreme Court nominee in
the nation’s history. Supporters were also bracing for tough
questions about her torrid affair with reputed rock "Prince
of Darkness" Ozzy Osbourne.

White House advisers decided Miers could better serve the
administration in her current role as counsel during the upcoming
"indictment phase" of the Bush presidency.