Billy
Buck Teefus named ‘Moron of the Year’

By
John Breneman

A dim-witted Arkansas man has been named 2005 Moron of the
Year by the Nimrod Foundation.

The coveted aluminum-foil dunce cap this year goes to Billy
Buck Teefus, a retired beer inspector now living off settlement
money from Craftsman, whose table saw robbed him of two fingers
and the ability to count to 10.

Recent past winners include a pyramid-scam victim, a bullet-riddled
gun enthusiast and a bumbling commander-in-chief.

The bipartisan anti-think tank lauded Teefus as "a true
imbecile," calling him "a prodigious intellect,
not" and "a living, mouth-breathing monument to
stone-cold stupidity."

Teefus — whose qualifications include burning his trailer
down while trying to cook possum steaks with a welding torch
and his unshakable belief that 2 + 2 equals "elevendy-seven"
— thanked his mother for his three years of home schooling
and for smoking and drinking so heavily during his time in
her "belly."

The prize comes with a magnum of Milwaukee’s Best champagne,
a fistful of scratch tickets and courtside seats for his favorite
basketball team, the Appalachian Trail-Blazers.

Related
story:
People
magazine names top 50 pretty people — April 30,
2004

Woman
sues reality show ‘Hostile Makeover’ — Oct. 12,
2005