UN
to put N.Korea on double secret probation

By
John Breneman

As the United Nations mulls issuing him a "timeout,"
North Korean mini-dictator Kim Jong-Il today warned of more
nuclear monkey business unless President Bush apologizes for
calling him a "pygmy."

Kim, who is 5-foot-3 but stands 6-foot-4 in his platform
shoes and freakish bouffant hairdo, may yet be spanked with
sanctions for his rude, uninvited entry into the nuclear club.

Despite facing possible UN double secret probation, Kim celebrated
his nuclear no-no by throwing a lavish Johnny Walker-fueled
orgy for himself and six dozen teenage concubines.

"What’s with those Islamic morons and their 72 virgins
in the afterlife? I do that every Friday with the Joy Brigade,"
he said of his harem of sex slaves.

Kim, who like President Bush inherited power from his father,
also threw a weekend parade in Pyongyang, where he clapped
along while his 1,000-piece military marching band played
"For He’s a Jongy Good Fellow."

New polls show that his approval rating has risen to 106%,
up from a low of 100%.

Known as "Dear Leader" among his brainwashed, malnourished
subjects, Kim said that after his nuclear triumph he will
also answer to "Fission Magician" and "Doomsday
McMushroom-Cloud."

Related
stories:

Angelina
Jolie romantically linked to Kim Jong Il

Iran
develops bird flu bomb

Cheney
accidentally detonates nuclear weapon

Iran
agrees to nuclear talks, but not nuke-u-lar

Gunfight
at the WMD Corral — Feb. 11 2005