Fake
obit:
Tweedle D. Rodriguez

The Humor
Gazette regrets to inform you that the following fake
obituary may be just the first in an unfortunate series of
phony death notices …

Tweedle D. Rodriguez of Los Angeles, N.H., formerly of Albania
and Guam, a retired ant farmer and semi-professional pan flute
master, died Sunday of complications involving an emergency
tracheotomy with a Krazy Straw. He was 46.

A native of Bermuda Triangle, Fla., Mr. Crenshaw was raised
under a highway overpass in Butte, Mont., and later lived
in a drainage culvert in upstate Wyoming.

He worked for many years as a pan-handler, regaling passers-by
with chants of, "Gimme your goddamn spare change or I’ll
use this jagged tin can lid to infect you with the HIV virus."
He enjoyed not paying taxes and carrying all his possessions
in a kerchief tied to a hickory stick, but disliked being
called "a friggin’ hobo."

Mr. Rodriguez turned his life in around 1989 after a religious
epiphany in which he claimed God appeared to him in the form
of an Iraqi used car salesman. Despite a lack of formal education
he graduated from Harvard in 1991 with a quadruple PhD in
algebraic psychology, political photosynthesis, forensic theology
and Euclidian geothermal metaphysics.

He is survived by his father, Willy Bob of Arkadelphia, Ark.;
seven step-mothers; and 12 children that he knew of. He had
also disowned five aunts and uncles, and 17 nieces and nephews.

A traditional Japanese funeral Mass will be held at 10 a.m.
tomorrow at Our Lady of the Divine Chainsaw, followed by cremation
in the kiln at Torchy’s Ceramics and Crematorium. In lieu
of flowers, please send scratch tickets to a malnourished
Sudanese orphan of your choosing.